Spiritually engaged people can really be hard on themselves, which in a way is a good thing, since spirituality requires some discipline as to the daily practices of meditation, prayers and such.
It can however also be very counterproductive, since spirituality or spiritual development isn’t all about feeling good about oneself, and the so often advocated ‘I´m so spiritual and bloody happy all the time’ – hardly.
A well grounded, sober, feet on the ground – head in the heavens spirituality has bright sides and dark sides, full of doubt, joy, internal suffering and bliss but one thing is sure: Once it’s set in motion it won’t stop. Because the perimeters of individual spirituality are as vast as the universe, uncharted territory, and we often have to travel it alone without any coordinates but those of trial and error and learning by doing.
I differ here obviously from the perimeter set by others. That can be a guru, a shaman, a teacher, an inspirational scripture say; those perimeters or the teacher’s limitation is boundary setting per default. They are great door openers, don’t get me wrong, but they are still a product of the consensus and consciousness of that inspirational source and not our own, and spirituality is all about becoming your ‘own’ – referred to as Self and hereby embedding Oneness.
In our quest for a personal spirituality, I often hear: “I don’t know what happened – but I feel such a setback, what am I doing wrong?”
I’m not sure you are doing anything wrong, since its all about expectations and the little loops inside.
In the quest for enlightenment, we have to deal with the expectations we set out on. I don’t think expectations in spiritual evolvement are that important. Intentions are much better, since expectations often are ego-based and very much related to the personal self. I have noticed a mechanic that is quite interesting, which I would like to summon up in one sentence: When expectations don’t come through – interesting things happen. So instead of being annoyed and dissatisfied with your personal Self, it maybe is a better strategy to say: “What is the message here?
Since what we encounter in that field often is a form of spiritual reality check and not some grandeur vision of ourselves, yes, it should cut through the wanting and craving of the ego like a knife cuts through butter. The message is: “You are here and not ‘there’ – where you expected to be – deal with it.”
In other words – you did not do anything wrong, you just expected too much. That statement is not in any way meant as a discouragement but is actually an encouragement. Listen for the unexpected and when it shows, maybe in contradiction to the expected, it’s the Universe or the authentic Self teaching a lesson. I have written about pumping spiritual irons before and on a quest so beautiful and delicate, it’s very important not to get spiritually lazy and not to get spiritually competitive…
The other player in the so-called setbacks is the loops inside. All the lives in us have to follow us so we evolve symmetrically and not asymmetrically. Let me give an example:
The ethereal part of us, the Spirit, which observes the Soul, moves at warp speed. Some spiritual traditions say that the Spirit in us rests with the God Force. Yes, I think so. The Soul on the other hand is much closer and what we are trying to call out of the hiding, and when we do that, we see that the Soul, the Authentic Self watches the Ego. In order to impact that Ego it has to engage in a form of telepathic contact with it, to persuade it to listen. That is what we often refer to as the internal voice, the source of the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. The inner voice of reason.
On a different note: That is often mistaken for channeling and it’s a bit sad that it is, since many don’t trust that the wisdom in that dialogue or the inspiration that it offers actually can come from within themselves.
Some have the internal dialogue between the Spirit and the Soul and if you find such a person, they are well worth listening too.
When people say: “I think I have gone backwards in my development”- that is not possible unless it is a very conscious decision like: “I’m tired of being loving – I’ll return to ego and hate” – who would do that? Except those who hide under sheep’s clothing.
No, it is the vehicles trying to get in sync: the personal self, the authentic self, and the spirit. Because: ‘It is a dialogue and not a monolog’ – which means there are negotiations going on inside between the frequencies we inhabit of these qualities.
By doing that we impact every molecule in our body, mind and spirit. And the flesh is dense, it also has to follow.
A very basic example: Most of us would like to have a life where we don’t eat meat for ethical reasons and suddenly we crave it. That is the density of the body making its stand saying: I’m not ready for juicing and 10 carrots a day yet, I want grounding food. If we override that craving, we might feel a little beside ourselves and dizzy and very little grounded and we have to work our way through that without losing faith, and either by giving in or challenging it.
Same thing with honesty, spiritual honesty, ethics and systems of beliefs. That is often how it goes, and it is natural: the inner talk, the self-talk, can be soft, tender and loving, and suddenly one hears oneself talking the neighbors down in negativity, or somebody we don’t even know is suddenly labeled a moronic idiot. Or we complain and feel self pity.
If you have these experiences, it is not a sign of ‘losing your religion.’ Its the echoes of the Personal Self in it’s death struggle and the echoes of our personal history.
On an alchemistic note it is the Personal Self or the Ego trying to establish a loop of communication again, where it hammers the Soul, and that is where we suffer. If we can embrace that, without feeling dark, gloomy, regressive, but see it as part of a long journey, we should fuel ourselves with enough personal insight to carry on, well knowing – this journey has its weary roads.
Often we enforce that internal pain on others: Our moral compass, our way, you must be like me and say and mean and feel the way I do or I won’t have anything to do with you. The last thing mentioned here is riding the spiritual world like a mare and only goes to show: The internal loop can be very painful.
Reignite and know – it’s all on the inside and it will pass.
Burn it in the furnace and it will transform.
© 2015Soren Dreier – Full repost only with permission.