Good people are saying: ‘I see no more point in this, when I wake up I feel like the only sensible thing to do is putting an end to this life and it’s the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep’.
This is not financially related but seems to be a state of mind in people traveling the spirituality/awakening trail.
The downtrodden in austerity-ridden countries are killing themselves in numbers, well, I only have to read the Southern European and the U.S. Papers to understand that economy is reason to commit suicide. Just goes to show what power finances have over people, and if it dries out like a Californian riverbed, the choice is to end life.
There would be better ways to deal with poverty, but somewhere I get it — don’t follow the logics, since finances has too much authority in the Matrix anyhow, in a society that measures personal success in life by the things you are able to iPurchase, or just plain being able to feed your family.
Reading such stories, breaks my heart and on an ‘awakening’ note, it seems like the Matrix really doesn’t mind, hence: There would be no manufactured crises and people wouldn’t be left to live on the streets. Folks are killing themselves on a lie of a dream.
Most people who are hit by this other vibe have gone through years of spiritual awakening, and are well aware of the matrix and its construct. Yet, still, their eyes and souls stray to the heavens in a deep longing for home.
So it is not an ‘ego-kill-off’, it comes from a deeper place:
The souls gone tired and it makes the hearts implode, retract into some vibe where there seem only to be sadness and hurt. Not self-indulging and not seeing himself or herself as a victim of anything: ‘Just’ a very deep feeling of purposelessness, a feel of:
‘What can I do?’
‘This world isn’t going to change’
‘I’ll leave this world to itself’
‘I’m so lonesome’
‘No friends on my trail’
‘I long for my real home among the stars’
‘I can’t find ‘holy’ anymore’
Are some of the words I hear.
Obliviously I had some doubts whether to write about this, but the wave is too massive and too synchronistic to let it slip away.
So lets look at this state of mind – state of Zero.
First thing that strikes me is that a suicide, if it is not a reaction to the matrix, normally takes the route of a depression. A genuine psychological depression that is. But the heart people here don’t have that Matrix defined anatomy of a depression which would indicate as symptoms: No appetite, no sex drive, mostly sleeping, no action — life is halted and the famous light that goes through the cracks and over shines the mind seems to be on a long term vacation — incognito — not to be found.
A Matrix depression takes statistically 2.5 years to go through. So anyway, folks that fall under that category is really not clinically depressed — they are just feeling low, and the Pill popping fix it al Big Pharma fake daylight, makes it down their throats. Treating a bit of moodiness with mind-altering Matrix chemistry just creates a new dependency on the Matrix and it’s wonderfully well-trained psychiatrist, home doctors and what have we. Shame on them = follow the money.
Normally a ‘life-suffering’ being that doesn’t believe in either spirituality or awakening — is right!
There is something profoundly wrong in this life, in this persons life, and that is a paradox, since that would be the turning point in this person life in witch he or she could go: ‘I am’ — instead of ‘I exist’. And the matrix cleverly dulls those moments of longing/insight down at warp speed.
People don’t awake when they are feeling good — no, they awake when feeling low, since their measurement of the programming in which they live is correct: It is hollow, evil, cold as steel and the matrix wants you to trade cold comfort for change.
What a deception.
For the spiritually engaged it has a different cause or causes.
Often we have been where I just described, dodged the pharmaceutical bullets and came out okay by the rapture and promises in a new found spirituality, which has its consciousness locked into the exposure of the patterns that imprisons us. That is very liberating and we: ‘Understand’ the mechanics we got tangled up in and sets out to dissolve them.
So far so good.
There seem to be two ways here:
The first way I never fully understood, I would like to label it as: ‘easy going-everything is blue and cool and I´m so connected all the time and its all a matter of smoothies, cleansing and loving everybody and for me that is easy and I’m totally into the law of attraction and abundance’.
I don’t see it as real, and that is probably my fault.
I don’t see it as real, maybe a doorway in the big spirituality realm, but that’s it.
The second way, is partly based on suffering. Suffering as goes for: I really have to fight all this programming, I really have to be on my toes in order not to get sucked into new Matrixes, that’s stands in line like cheap telephone salesmen offering me all the connection I want to the celestial or where ever my soul wants to connect.
Yes, in the midst of ‘we are all one’-I’m addressing solitude, isolation and the feeling that should come, even though it never will be greeted at the doorway of: Loneliness. And I’m not addressing people who don’t have a partner, family, friends and such.
I’m addressing an existential feeling of loneliness, which embeds the feeling of purposelessness, and if you have family, friends and a love one, maybe even kids:
That feeling is ever so hurtful that it feels like it can rip your soul apart. Tangled up in guilt over not being able to relate, plug in, to the people who love you the most and the ones you love the most.
Stripped naked you become, feeling inadequate and don’t know your position in what ever landscape you’re traveling and feeling empty. Hollow, and worthless of loving.
That’s where the mind strays to ending it, because you feel dead already. So, maybe not kill yourself twice here, but allow yourself to understand how you got there.
You are 40 days in the desert.
You detached, and it’s so easy to write — which many do: ‘Detach – detach, is the way to freedom’.
Well, it is — but sometimes they forget or they don’t know, how to describe that process, since its hollow words, if they haven’t gone there themselves. The salesmen and woman on the awakening fair apparently just poured out some easy said slogans — but have absolutely no understanding of the metaphysics involved.
I’ve said all along: This spiritual awakening is highly personal. It is not collective. First individual — then the collective impact. Never the other way around, that is the Matrix version 2.0.
Now I am going to say something that’s going to piss the main stream awakening off, but I´m kinda used to that:
To understand the metaphysics in the spiritual awakening process we have to understand the esoterics in Christianity, NOT in a religious way, well, your welcome to do so, but in a psychological way.
Not the Matrix based psychology of the ego — which I already touched upon = the Matrix treatment, but as maybe — just maybe, a genuine compass for the lost soul.
The vortex point, the healing vortex point in all this is to understand:
That we are transforming our horizontal attachment (The Matrix and all of its seductions) into vertical attachment: The God force, the universe, the synchronicity, and the celestial. And that absolutely doesn’t have to be religious, it ‘just’ has to be spiritual.
Spiritual as in: Whatever makes your soul go: Whoopi.
But: It doesn’t happen overnight. That is why the 40 days in the desert, is such a brilliant metaphor and also for many: a physical reality.
When we let go: ‘God’ doesn’t necessarily step in. As Einstein said: God hides in the ether, in the synchronicity. But as this low-key point, synchronicity doesn’t show, since if it did — we would know the way out. We leave the desert when it does.
So there is a gap, a psychological sink hole here that we seem to fall into until we can plug into a spiritual reality that is based on a higher vibe that the one we disengaged from. And it is all about disengage, before we engage again.
And that’s hurtful.
It is a raven flying in the dark night looking for a weary shoulder to sit on and whisper word of discontent into our metaphysical ears.
The best thing to do is listen to it, it sounds a bit counterproductive but it isn’t, since we have to face our lowest point in order to rise again.
And the lowest point would be: I see no reason for this anymore – I am lost — not to be saved — so I will cut my wrist now.
In order to speak freely, some take that option and does it.
Not the smartest thing to do – I can understand it though — but not cool, since it would make a Karmic rebound, and we would have to go through those dark realms again.
I don’t believe in the Matrix of suicide, as being a pathway to hell. It’s a Matrix construct. But I do believe in cause and effect.
So what could help here?
There is a Dao that says something like: ‘ In times of distress and confusion lower your ambitions’.
So at this point, where you actually consider putting and end to it all, maybe adjust your ambitions.
Did you want to save the world?
That’s good, but maybe safe yourself first.
Do you want to be a spiritual teacher?
That’s good; right now you are the student. Not by books — but by learning by doing. This would be the real teacher in this world of hollow drums and the ‘3 ways to know that you are incarnated’ segment.
Do you want to be one with it all?
Accept yourself and embrace your shadow, and you are approaching the perimeter of Oneness.
Get the ambition away, it will come back, but for now get it away from the world, and focus on your world. Right now, as I mentioned, your heart is imploding not exploding. So maybe examine that ambition. Since it is an ambition to luuuuve everybody, to love what’s around you and hiding in plain sight.
At this point it all could boil down to this, and from here you will thrive if you surrender to it. Often the ‘truth,’ isn’t that ambitious or glory, glory. But it is Holy. Holy hides in the little things.
Start using your senses:
Pay attention to nature.
Paint a picture, write a poem.
Take a hike in the mountains.
Go to a pub and get wasted.
Walk down the city streets and sense the life there.
Go to a playground and pick up the joy of life in the children’s voices.
Or what you can think of.
Basically – step out of yourself. Stop observing yourself and your sufferings. The doors will open and the sun will lit through the clouds, your back in orbit — ready to face life as it is for you, you’re the only one who can change it.
Let life happen to you.
© 2017 Soren Dreier – Feel free to share this post with link back.