Some have the ability to be an emotional architect for people who lack emotional grounding or clarity, and that is a skill, a gift, a talent. I have nothing but respect for that.
But, and there is but.
Sometimes our greatest skills become our Achilles heel. That happens when we forget our own needs and ourselves.
There is a difference between self-sacrifice, self-denial and being an emotional asset in the life of others.
The mechanics gone wrong are often seen when we simply say: Self-denial, as in denying Self, is a way to deal with the ego and thereby take it down. Self-denial has never been a tool for that. Self-discipline has.
On the contrary, self-denial makes people very unhappy like: “I´m really helping out here, denying myself and my inner needs, but something is not right.”
We have to look into the mechanics of acquired helplessness, which is the Matrix in the balance between giving and ‘letting it be’.
All too often I have seen well-meaning folks unintentionally creating interdependence between the person they try to help/serve and themselves.
That can take a good warrior down.
It is difficult and it is a very fine balance of adding just precisely the amount of help needed on an emotional level, and by doing so, also being very vigilant towards the anatomy of the energetics in the loop between those of the helper and the person in need of help.
That goes for dependency and knowing that people have to ‘learn by doing’ and you can’t take responsibility for the outcome. That is not helping out, that is a control mechanism.
We have to go where the road takes us and there are obstacles on the way. You can’t foresee and protect people from the bumps on their path. If a person asks you to do so, you’re dealing with a person who does not want to take responsibility for their life. They have to learn that skill and then you can engage. Because their agenda, and it can be very well hidden even from themselves, is dependency in order to avoid that responsibility. Not cool. Leave them be.
The Matrix in that can be solved if the emotional architect is very well grounded, conscious, neutral and aware of their own energetic core.
If you have this skill, never allow yourself to get drained.
Because the person taking a toll on you can only do so if that is what you have taught that person.
So you can’t wave it of by blaming. You can wave it of by stopping it, and maybe say: “I´m sorry I didn’t see that coming, not your fault, but I need to change our relationship.”
I have noticed that I need to ask people tangled up in the extorting side of emotional architecture: “Who is the most important person in your life?”
The answer is often: “Not me.”
The emotionally mature answer is: “I am.”
And apparently this contradicts the blueprint of: being of service, healing others out of emotional pain and such.
If it contradicts, one has to look at one’s motives, since being of service is a beautiful sacred thing. We want it free of distorting agendas, since being of service, and offering kindness and redemption are true celestial manifestations of the better side in us.
Are you using your energy in a way that leaves you dried out and hollow and are you still convincing yourself that you don’t care about yourself? Well, if you don’t care why should others? And that is the equation for stating: I’m such a good person, but when I need help and support nobody shows up?
Why should they, you don’t care about yourself so why should they? That is the message you’re sending out.
You have to find a place to charge those batteries. That is acknowledging that you are the most important person in your life so you can’t afford to have your batteries run dry. When they do, you have nothing left to give. You are too worn out, too tired and you begin to resent people instead of being economical with your gift.
So we have the ‘goodie goodie do righters’ running around loosing their powers in a display of helpfulness while disempowering others into emotional dependency and acquired helplessness. The agenda here could very well be that the emotional architect set out to save the world on an emotional level, in order to build up the celestial karma CV. Not pretty, but understandable.
They weren’t really helping anybody but themselves, and in the race for celestial approval, they crack.
It is like watching a marathon for people with a disturbed sense of direction.
If you ended up there, leave the arena. Retreat and examine your motives.
‘Go to the other side Luke Skywalker’, meaning step out of emotions and access the mess from a logical point of view, like: “I’m going up this mountain, my legs are tired and it’s five miles. No, not today – better rest and challenge myself and the mountain in the morning.”
Breaking the pattern of ‘over-helping’ for whatever reason will cause ´role confusion´, because you can’t break that pattern overnight and you have to tell the people who got entangled in this, that you are breaking the chains of dependency. They will feel betrayed, afraid, sad, and such, due to the dependency and the anatomy of the Stockholm syndrome.
You’ve got to walk that Via Dolorosa in order to set yourself free and regain you strength and find that fierce emotional warrior inside, once again.
When going into battle in the world of spiritual responsibility it is a ground rule to examine your strength before you slay the emotional dragons hovering over the worn out souls in the Matrix
If you don’t have the strength it is perpetually, cosmically, and karmically okay that you ‘time out’ and build yourself up by focusing on your physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
Throw in the towel and take a walk.
There are so many rounds left to go before the final curtain closes.
© Soren Dreier – Full repost only with permission