Fear of being alone runs deep in our psyche. This fear is ingrained in us from a very young age, perhaps even embedded genetically, by various control systems that define our reality, parents, the society we live in and so on. Modern psychology, as expected, has interesting words for such fears, such as Monophobia, Autophobia, and as it usually does, has also invented ‘symptoms’ and ‘treatment’ for such states.
Curious as I am, searching the internet led me to research what the stats are on this, and it turns out one in three people fear being alone, so it is big business for big pharma should the weary souls choose to seek ‘treatment’ for it.
This fear is exacerbated by the media in particular in recent times, who from time to time will publish news reports on someone dying alone in some dreary dwelling, and most unconsciously consume this fear based nugget and work towards a life where they won’t die alone. For most, old and dying alone is scary.
This often seems to be the impetus for finding life partners, which often leads to toxic relationships, children are sometimes brought into this world, because someone fears being alone and the cycle continues.
From a very young age, ‘herd mentality’ never appealed to me, owing to the trauma I was subjected to. In hindsight, I can see now what a gift my wounding brought me. I have never fit in in any particular group, and never seen eye to eye with anyone, but I have also rarely have felt the need to rebel past my teenage years. I know I am different and that is really OK now.
Almost everyone I know has chosen what society considers, ‘the idyllic life’, marriage, children, mortgages, and consider themselves and their life complete and I am happy for them. What they cannot fathom is why I am alone and not bothered by it, and actually have been at the receiving end of a lot of criticism much throughout my life for not being like them.
The major theme throughout my life has been Freedom, of movement, of thought and defining and redefining my own moral compass, Mastery of Self. I am allergic to stagnation and being in one place for too long. Travelling has been my perfect companion my whole life, every so often, a new place or culture will enrich me with new impressions and this brings a sense of accomplishment and nourishment in my life.
I can be happy for those who feel settled in one place, surrounded by like-minded people and community around them, and I don’t feel the need to aspire to have it so.
It took me a while to realise, that with travelling, I was actually in search of an archetype that has been missing in my life and the mainstream narrative. No one, in any culture aspires to have an archetype of a single woman. In fact, every culture ridicules such women.
With globalisation, we are seeing a rebuttal of this ridicule with women standing alongside men in positions of power. Often this comes at the expense of women sacrificing their femininity, their softness, for power and gender equality. I am not inspired by such contemporary archetypes, because their rebuttal comes from a reactionary state, a state of bitterness and entitlement, all aspects of fear. The new-age circles seem to be ripe with false-feminine ‘goddesses’, that I find off-putting and fake.
In the East, there have always been legends and tales of sages, who drifted through lands and brought a sense of lightness and healing to the lives of those they touched. And when their earthly duties were fulfilled, they passed on to the other realm with a smile on their face. These sages or wise ones were revered. The memory of their physical presence is all but a mystery, what remains is their essence, words and deeds.
Since the era of the domination of the masculine spirit, the memory of wandering women sages is no longer with us, I have often wondered if such women ever existed. There are myths in most indigenous cultures about them, such as The White Buffalo Calf woman, The White Lion Queen, who appeared in tribes in times of distress, to alleviate suffering.
Now, the memory of their lives and efforts has all but been deleted from our psyche. New and increasingly degraded programming is constantly being projected onto us, being a billionaire, super mom, pop or a movie stars are what people are programmed to aspire to be like. It is how society defines success. Nothing wrong with it really, it’s just that few of don’t feel nourished by this programming or such archetypes.
Having chosen long ago to be consciously single, I have often wondered if there is an archetype that resonates with which I can align my moral compass, who are fully in their power, are completely in touch with their femininity, sensuality and are fierce and ruthless if their sacred boundaries are threatened.
In real life, I have met less than 5 women in all my journeys who have successfully embodied these sacred feminine traits, and one is simply stunned and in awe in their presence, their power and beauty is simply unparalleled. Unless I can achieve their level of mastery, I am more than happy to go it alone in this life. Submitting to the fear of loneliness isn’t an option worth entertaining. As my good ol’ teacher often says, on this path, first and foremost, you have to learn to be your own best friend.
I still have memory of the archetype of the sage, the white buffalo woman, the white lion queen in my psyche, who effortlessly drift through lands and with their lightness of being, uplift those they encounter and when their work is done, consciously move on to the other realm with a smile on their face.
It doesn’t really matter if you are a man or a woman, these archetypes can still be accessed, one just has to remove the toxic matrix imprints to tap into their beautiful essence.
It is wiser to work towards a life where you live and die consciously, rather than live a life ruled by unconscious fears of dying alone and lonely. The spiritual warrior never dies alone or lonely, rather lives and dies consciously and courageously, like a warrior.
© Lala Rukh 2020
Lala is an adventurous Traveller, her conquests have spanned across 6 continents through 115 Countries and territories and counting, that she records through digital art and photography. She is a life long student of the mysteries of the Self, with training in Plant medicine, Energy Healing and Wisdom Tradition of Ancient Egypt.