Are you among the tired and weary?
You are certainly not alone – many spiritually engaged people currently feel this way.
Body aches, low key mood, and very little intellectual energy.
Some of it can be explained from the collective, the endless war drums that are pounding Venezuela and Iran, the unrest and hostility of the collective consciousness and further down that path.
People write me and say that their inner life pulls them back in time to pain they have cost, mistakes that were made, wrong things said and done, and it’s hard to understand the inner turmoil.
If we are in that state of mind, there is no bypass – the only way through is through.
We can’t change the past or what we perceive as our wrong doings, but we can change our attitude towards it and use this period, to accept going back and try to understand that we always did the best we could. We did what we did because that was what we knew and where we were at that time.
I am not necessarily talking about self-forgiveness, since that is very, very hard to achieve in this particular vortex, but more as a plain expression of: Why – Why did I do that stuff?
When we understand that, and this understanding can burn like hell on the inside, we can make sure that we do not do it again. It is pattern seeking time and pattern breaking time and when it is so it is better to work with it, than trying to avoid it. Time to surf the big waves.
The experiences here are highly individual. Maybe you stole a candy bar from the supermarket, or maybe you triggered a divorce, or maybe you were mean to your kids… It’s a very diverse list.
The beauty in it is that it’s self-examination time once more and it’s not so much a question of blaming others for their deeds that overstepped your boundaries. That is not so much on the table. It is about the self-blame that’s there and it bites like a Tasmanian Devil come mating season.
Self-blame is both very destructive and normally advised against.
In this vortex – it is one of the most powerful waves I have ever seen – it is okay to go into the self-blamemode. Do not bypass it, just walk through it. It is not a healthy place to be but we’re only passing through once more.There is solace and redemption waiting. Once we’re through and once it’s conquered, you will not have to deal with it again.
As mentioned, pattern breaking time. If you can see your pattern of behaviour up through your timeline, this is a wonderful opportunity not to drown in the Sea of eternal personal disappointment over yourself but to know that it is there and take some dives, which will give you the insight, skill, and opportunity to surf the wave the next time it shows its power.
Surrendering to that process will prevent its return. Breaking the waves becomes breaking the karma of repetition of the same behavior over and over again.
This can be especially challenging for you if you grew up in a home that wasn’t emotionally stable. That alone will pull you back into this vortex.
The first cuts we get are the deepest, and I haven’t really met anyone yet that thinks they had a happy go lucky childhood.
Our interest in spirituality is often triggered by a childhood with a more or less stable psychological childhood, where we had to be in constant “Aware” mode towards our parents, teachers, bullies and what have we. That field of tension often creates within a life lasting hypersensitivity towards people, lovers, our own children, and specific situations when we enter adulthood. Many introverts have this blueprint.
Such things emerges from being a “Child of the Tides.”
Tides being emotional waves that were born out of the Sea of a childhoods emotional architecture that was never calm. If it were calm, we would, more or less as an emotional survival mechanism, not trust that calm and feel the absence of childhood troubles and get our emotional shoulders down, but stay in the alert, because the best way for a toddler or an older child to predict the future is by looking at past patterns, knowing that the tranquillity of the Sea could never be counted as a solid thing.
A Child of the Tides will bring this state of emotional awareness into their adult life and many have found help in regression therapy and different techniques of going back and gaining insight to why their childhood was this way. However, the first cuts we get are so deep that they will roll in again if it is not understood in depth and properly released the first or second time around, only to find that they will make their grand return maybe 20 years on.
If this is your reality, you are very geared to experience what I started out with in this current “self-examination vortex.” It will hit you like a wave gone rogue and the disappointment of just discovering that can lead to a very self-destructive behavior in the present. Because we thought it had lost its power and here it comes again with even more force.
A good way to avoid that is to not feel disappointed that we didn’t get rid of all that stuff we still carry around, but to see it as yet another opportunity of examining the whys. Take into account that it didn’t necessarily have any deep meaning – your henchmen just did what they did to you out of plain stupidity or thoughtlessness and not all parents are adults, really. They’re impulse driven – with very little, shall we say, knowledge of the long-term damage they imposed on you. In traditional psychology it is called: ‘Early Damaged’ and seen as very hard to come to terms with. If ever, in this lifetime.
Rejoice in the fact – that you are not these people – you do not have to pass on or repeat the emotional abuse and surrender to the fact that somehow in this mess, you developed into an empathic being. That is the gift in all that. That is the essence of the journey of the Children of the Tides.
When we truly understand this, we can surf the biggest waves without falling into the Sea of discontent and discomfort and not feeling worthy and children of a lesser God and avoid drowning in it, which can spark a very deep depression.
The key is to step out of being “self-registration” which is the same as identifying with it and choose the path of being “self-observant” or awake to the fact of not passing the hurt on as zombies of a sleep life existence and deep metaphysical or spiritual understanding of: There is no need to be suspicious when the Sea calms and the waves quiet down.
There is a need for surrendering to that fact. We are safe.
That is maybe the biggest challenge for a Child of the Tide.
The key to solving this challenge is to understand that the state of emotional awareness will not by any means: Just Leave.
The gift in that is to understand the narrative of: ‘After happy times, disaster follows’. It is not so! It’s programming, widely used in movies, books, and so on is to create emotion waves within you for the sake of drama. Nothing else.
Never anticipate it and mistake it for: That is just how life goes.
There are a million miles between expecting unrest, fear, and what have we and acting accordingly if it shows up. In that mileage, you will uncover the roots of emotional anxiety and you will have the knowledge to pull them up… for good.
That time is now. The universe insist as we can feel and see and hear mostly within ourselves.
The key is: Be Self Observant, not self-registering. Since self-registering, and on account of that, the mirror side of that is (over)-registering this world and all of its peculiar meaningless doings.
Life can only love us – when we dare love it back, without expecting it by default to emotionally betray us or let us down as some have experienced from an early age, and that is a hard truth to swallow and a leap of faith, for the Children of the Tides.
Coming to terms with what have cost us deep emotional pain and the need to pass it on, will quiet the Sea within.
The tension between that is what made the force of this wave rise in the first place and up through our timeline.
Time has come to conquer it.
© 2019 Soren Dreier
Soren Dreier: Readings – Healings – Guidance