Learning how to last longer in bed is one of the most common reasons why men seek out my sex therapy services. Just about every man worries about orgasming too quickly, regardless of the actual amount of time he tends to last. Fortunately, there are a few straightforward, actionable strategies for lasting longer during sex.
Change Your Masturbation Habits
Your masturbation habits play an enormous role in what partnered sex is like for you. Unfortunately, most men don’t seem to realize this. If you want to learn how to last longer in bed, you have to take an honest look at your masturbation habits. Here are some dynamics to address:
How long you masturbate
Most guys masturbate to get the job done. It’s a purely utilitarian experience, usually accomplished as quickly as possible. (It may also be a pattern that stemmed from your early childhood experiences, trying to masturbate quickly before your parents walked in on you.) But if you masturbate quickly, you’re training your body to reach orgasm quickly. Instead, you want to try to draw out your sessions and make them last much longer. Think about how long you’d like to last with a partner, and be thoughtful about that timeline when you masturbate.
Learn to Manage Anxiety
Not being able to last as long as you want in the bedroom can cause a great deal of anxiety. That anxiety, of course, only serves to make you orgasm faster. If you want to last longer, you have to learn how to manage that anxiety. I know this isn’t the “sexiest” sounding piece of advice, but one of the best ways to help yourself last longer during sex is to start some sort of mindfulness or meditation practice. 10-20 minutes of mindfulness practice every day can work wonders for addressing performance issues. Fortunately, Lifehacker has you covered with plenty of resources.
Focus on Your Partner’s Pleasure
One of the ironic things about performance issues is that many men end up over-emphasizing intercourse – the one sexual activity that actually requires the cooperation of your penis. But the reality is that you can pleasure your partner in so many other ways. (And if you’re having sex with a woman, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to pleasure her with your hands or mouth better than you can pleasure her with your penis.) If you’re concerned about not being able to last long enough, make sure you help your partner feel pleasure or an orgasm before moving on to intercourse. That will also help give your confidence a boost.