RIP The Kardashians.
It is with great lack of even a molecule of sadness that I have to report the demise of the world’s most vacuous, grasping, sleazy, stupid and annoying family.
Ratings for the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians on Sunday night crashed to just 851,000 viewers.
That’s a staggering 37% fall from the 1.3 million who watched the premiere episode in August.
This wasn’t just any season either.
The family pulled out all the headline-grabbing self-intrusion stops to try to drive up interest including the birth of two babies, Kanye West’s slavery controversy, Khloe’s boyfriend cheating on her days before the birth of her child, and Kim meeting President Trump to seek a pardon for Alice Marie Johnson.
Yet it seems nobody cared, about any of it.
And to cement the ladies’ humiliation, the Real Housewives of Orange County, which pulled in 1.7 million viewers, thrashed them.
In fact, the Kardashians finished last among all TV shows aired nationally in America at 9pm on Sunday.
After 11 long, tortuous years, it appears America’s finally grown sick and tired of watching this tiresome freak-show.
And that surely spells the long overdue beginning of the end for the Kardashian brand too?
God I hope so.
The Kardashians have grown to represent everything that’s wrong about modern life.
They’re a bunch of spoiled whiny brats who preach one relentlessly depressing message: that you can succeed in life by being completely and utterly devoid of any talent other than stripping naked and shameless self-promotion.
And week after week on their unutterably tedious TV show they prove they don’t have a single intellectual brain cell between them.
Daniel ‘007’ Craig told British GQ perfectly summed up the conundrum of their success: ‘Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions,’ he said. ‘You see that and you think, “What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me million?”’
Well, yes, Mr Bond.
And how did they get to this extraordinary, exulted place?
That’s a much simpler question to answer.
As Amber Rose, Kanye’s ex, revealed to ET: ‘The only reason these girls have careers is because their older sister had a little fun on tape, let’s be realistic.’
Yet, let’s…because it’s the truth.
The Kardashians have become a billion dollar brand because Kim made a sex tape.
Without it, they would be nothing.
With it, they are everywhere, permeating every pore of our waking life with their tweets, Instagram posts, fashion lines, perfumes, makeup lines and topless selfies.