I think I finally got it.
She doesn’t want solutions, she doesn’t want answers. She wants to get the weight off her shoulders and then she can go about her routine in a state of bliss, well…
“Women talk in circles; men talk in lines” – is the old deduction of how we communicate. I don’t know about that as an absolute, but there is fertile ground still in my mind to plant that flower.
I realized I better set some time aside for The Debriefing when she comes home from work. She comes home at a very specific time plus, minus 10 minutes.
It makes no sense to hide (she has some kind of echolocation and Xray vision going on) and if I´m not up to it, I can still trick her by pretending to take a nap, but that is a stupid mans trap. She will just wait for her Debriefing, with the patience only women can muster.. So why not just surrender…
I will usually be in the kitchen waiting with a cup of coffee when she comes home, and I have calculated that The Debriefing takes about 20 minutes each and every day. So, after changing into something more comfortable, she comes to the kitchen table and she starts talking her day through. This said that, that person did this, and those people acted that way.
It’s not gossip and never complaints – it’s her way of getting cleared, understanding her day as she talks it through. I noticed that she is never judgmental. She just wants to get it out of her system.
I just have to nod at the right places to her stream of thoughts. Murmur an “aha” once in a while, smile a bit, and recognize her feelings.
She doesn’t want her observation contradicted or if I offer a solution. If those vibrant blue eyes flash – I am entering problematic spheres of: None of my business.
See, she doesn’t want your fancy solutions – she just wants your ear and attention. A bit hard since if we men talk in straight lines, we are often action oriented, and this is not how to split the Atom we´re (she’s) talking about – it’s ‘just’ her day.
“No, no, nooo, listen, Mister” – she goes, and I stand down, and then we´re back on track.
So be good to your woman, set up zones of debriefing.
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