Some romantic relationships are kept up by the desire of one person in that relationship and not by the other.
It is a very thin line of the relationship having served its course and a pair of eyes straying to the horizon and not really being present in it, or maybe even not noticing, on a conscious note, that the relationship is not fully functional anymore.
It is a very difficult place to be for both in that relationship, since one can feel that the other is not quite present, and that other person thinking: ‘Am I in danger here?’
I have noticed these mechanics often and it is a very delicate process to give advice on, since both in the relationship are having a great deal of difficulty confronting it. It often starts out as a very transparent vibe and making that vibe fully visible will manifest a great deal of pain, because if brought to full disclosure, it will often mean that the couple will have to disengage.
So rarely is it seen that both in a relationship reach the conclusion simultaneously: “Yes, we are through – lets split – and thank you for all the love you allowed me to give you and the love you gave me.” Though it does happen – but maybe at the rate of one out of a thousand.
Maybe you know about this from your own life.
Our take on infidelity can be determined by a moral conviction of a: Don’t be unfaithful – I´m pretty much cool with that; people have their standards and if they can live up to them, it is part of their value system. Some have others, and I have mine.
Then there are the deeper levels of ethics and morals, which correspond with the soul, and also there we have the:
Infidelity is a relationship deal breaker. I agree very much on that from a feeling of: Trust, safety, devotion and such, which corresponds more with the values of the heart.
But and there is a but:
We need to evolve, challenge our comfort zones, and if we get too stuck, synchronicity will often play its card.
In steps: The Stick in the Wheel
The Stick in The Wheel is a sacrifice everyone in this situation will be confronted with. The Stick in the Wheel a calling, a pull, a magnetic attraction – calling you to get out of what you on an individual level cannot vouch for anymore.
So, it is the Synchronicity helping everybody toward a painful situation, helping to release it and heal in the process further on.
Please remember I am addressing the deeper emotions of disengaging a relationship (torment) and not in any way the surface based need to stray.
The Stick in the Wheel manifests as a person. Let’s say it is a ‘he’.
The lady whose eyes are straying to the horizon, who is not present physically, emotionally or mentally in her relationship, will often meet him. It can be at a party, a seminar; it basically can be everywhere.
I´m addressing a very magnetic connection that will pull her in like a magnet, disregarding her ethics and morals. Or better said: Transcending ethics and morals. And this is where the ego and the soul will take an epic internal beating. Because she doesn’t want to be pulled in but the little word ‘No’ cannot be found. The pull is too strong. She´s in a life altering battle.
This can go on for months, and basically what she is struggling in her internal dialogue is:
That it hurts her and contradicts her concepts of being a trustworthy partner and the dead waters of her relationship, : Painfully aware at the same time: It is equally hurtful not to act on.
The outcome is: Despair and a deep struggle inside her own void.
The concept of unfaithful is more than the physical, since she won’t go there instantly. The struggle comes first and then it goes physical. So, what she is struggling with is her concept of emotional – and intellectual infidelity.
That is a very hard struggle, since it takes place not in her Ego anymore but within her soul and its deepest longing and desires and frankly, we are not by default equipped with a manual for that. Societies roadmap doesn’t go there. It only targets the physical, because that’s all it can see.
When she overcomes it she will go physical with the suitor: the Stick in the Wheel manifestation. The physical usually takes on a very high frequency by first encounter and people I have spoken with, men and women have all said: “It was very strange, like we knew each other, like a dance, no awkwardness, it was a soul experience” and similar.
The Stick in The Wheel:
He won’t stay with her necessarily or she with him.
That is not what he´s there for. He is there to show her what she so longed for. Which, beautifully enough, is her own freedom and new depths found in the physical, emotional and the intellectual which often now have transcended into intellectual / spiritual. Which makes sense since the key to understanding this without judging it up front, is the metaphysical – energetic understanding.
It can happen that those two are now the love of their lives. If so: It wasn’t a Stick in The Wheel, since it’s not its job, it was the love of their lives. That distinction is important.
The Stick in The Wheel person is a usually what we can refer to as a Soulmate.
Since I believe that our lives are not written in stone as a pure disempowerment to the forces of karma, I have to say it is equally free will (the struggling) and a pull that transcends time and space, the karma. And it’s certainly not the only purpose for the Stick in the Wheel person. It’s probably a small detour in his path in life.
But they are still equal. None of them is a victim. The encounter had a purpose and when that is done, they disengage and the mind-blowing thing is: She will often be very good with that, since she now can see what mechanics she was involved in.
The one left behind:
I have to say: ‘Love is also giving another person a crisis, so, in this case he can also move on. He won’t see that obviously, but time will heal. But time doesn’t heal in itself, it’s what we DO in that time that will heal us.
The spiritual and practical value of this crises is: That the one in a relationship, that isn’t loved back and thinks that is all I deserve is to be with a partner, who can show me what romantic love and partnership is – Again.
It is not advisable to enforce acquired lovelessness onto somebody we once loved so dearly – they deserve so much better, not than you – but from Love itself.
Some chose, maybe rightfully, to feel as victims and betrayed. I get that – we have to work through that, not by sugarcoating it, but confront it with honesty.
He has every good reason to be pissed off.
Then he might go into more or less loose relationships, because of the wound he got and slowly build himself up again.
The worst miscalculation he can make on a very decisive and conscious note is: “I will never fall in love again,” and shut himself down.
Some do and that is very sad, but: That is not her fault and if he says so during the disengaging process and some do: He doesn’t know what he’s saying really. It’s an emotional suicide and it is his responsibility.
When that process is over, it can take some months, he’s ready to love again also on a deeper level.
Often, they can actually spark a form of friendship, since he has moved on and she is no longer with the Stick in the Wheel.
They wouldn’t have any interest in trying again; they just are grateful that they both are in a better place right now, either on their own or with a new partner.
Painfully… it leads to joy and a deeper toning of love.
Many things in our life do.
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